Wedding Ideas

Who Wears the Pants in Your House?

Mon, 07 May 2012 01:18:00 GMT

I was just going back through some old ceremonies and I came across this delightful one which I will always remember. This young couple were bright and vivacious and full of enthusiasm. I would like to share just one part of the ceremony that I wrote for them. I asked if they had any surprises planned (a great question for celebrants to ask!) and they said, 'well, actually yes!' When they told me what they were doing I was happy to support them. I have changed their names and a few details to maintain their privacy as it has been a long time since we have had contact.

(image: weddingstar.com)

"Sally and Michael have had their fair share of challenges, from enduring long distances apart, and the close proximity of sharing a Kombi for 18 months while overseas, both of which they have come through with flying colours. While it wasn’t always easy at the time, the difficulties have shaped them and encouraged them to become closer and firmer in their resolve to be life partners no matter what.

Over the last seven years they have also had an abundant amount of joy and laughter in their lives and we are here to join with them in that spirit.

Before we go any further there is one thing they’d like to make clear and share with everyone here present. Today they are changing their status from ‘going out together’ to being ‘husband and wife’ however the status that has always been present in their home and is not going to change today is that ‘no-one wears the pants in this house’. They would like to take part in a symbolic ritual to affirm this to you all… and to themselves.

At this point the bride and groom took a pair of trousers and cut them with a pair of scissors right down the middle. The guests thought it was fantastic and laughed and cheered.

Many blessings, you will know who you are if you read this!

Now that is clear… I call on you all to witness with me this marriage between these two beautiful people."

They were a beautiful couple and I still have a gift they bought me: a gorgeous indoor plant that is thriving and blossoming in my kitchen as I write this!

Butterfly Release for a Wedding Ceremony

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:12:00 GMT

I was recently asked for some information on the wording for a butterfly release for a wedding. With the butterfly ceremony I ask my couples to consider what the butterfly symbolises for them (some examples might be: beauty, transformation, freedom, softness etc) I then incorporate their ideas into the wording before the release. There is a well known quote about sending wishes on the butterfly wings (since they make no sound and can tell no-one this secret wish) up to the heavens for them to be granted. It is an opportunity to invite the wedding guests to make a wish for the couple as the butterflies are released.

I would recommend that the butterfly release is held after the signing and before the final close of the ceremony.

Butterfly releases can add another 10 - 20 minutes onto the length of the ceremony depending on the 'sleepiness' of the butterflies, and if they decide the bouquet is the best place to be for photos! This sub-ceremony cannot be rushed for it to retain the beauty... and sleepy butterflies are not going to listen to celebrants saying 'hurry up'! So, if you are planning a ceremony ensure your celebrant knows to allow extra time for the release.

It is also best to have a nominated a carer for the butterflies so they can bring and prepare them for the ceremony. (They are a lot easier to handle than an excited poodle!)

Check with the supplier about recommended times for preparation before the actual release and what needs to happen for the optimum health of the butterflies.The butterflies cannot be released from one hour before sunset, at night or if is windy or wet. (The butterflies need to be able to find food and shelter to survive). So have a back up plan. It may be best to keep the butterflies 'asleep' and take them home for a later release. You need to check with the supplier as to the best options.

I have only ever had one butterfly at a release who was very limp (ok, dead) and it wasn't very pleasant for the bridesmaid whose butterfly it was. I offered to take the limp/dead butterfly and recommended that bridesmaid make her wish on another healthy one held by the bridesmaid next to her. I closed the lid gently on the box and, as soon as I had a chance, placed it under a bush. As the celebrant, it is important not to make a fuss, and encourage the person whose butterfly it was to focus on the live ones. If it happens to be the bride's butterfly, the celebrant once again needs to soften the blow, remove the imagery and negate the symbolism that might be read into the bride having a dead butterfly. A dead butterfly is not a sign that the marriage is not going to last...

I mention this not to scare anyone from having a butterfly release as 'a dead butterfly' appears, from my discussions with other celebrants, to not happen very often however it is important to be prepared.

Butterfly releases can be a beautiful addition to a ceremony and create lovely photo opportunities. I love watching people's faces respond with such joy as they see a butterfly flitter around or land on someones arm, a brides bouquet or the nearest flower bush. I have had some hang around for 30 minutes on people!

The Power of Music in a Wedding Ceremony

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 22:21:00 GMT

Roger and I watched a beautiful program yesterday on the effect of music on people. It was a insightful look through the eyes of the Philadelphia Philharmonic Orchestra and their world tour. In one part of the program they were working with beautiful Chinese bells that when played captured my attention and lifted my spirits. They were delicate and yet commanding. It reminded me of a stunning ceremony I conducted down by the banks of the Never Never River at the Promised Lands in the Bellinger Valley.

The groom and his friends were down at the river preparing the ceremony site with me and when they were ready they sat down to play their drums (gembe's). Just a few loud sharp beats in a particular pattern. This was to signify that we were ready and waiting. From up at the main house where the guests were waiting a response came from drummers up there - the same rhythm was played. The men at the river returned this message to say 'welcome'. When the guests were all assembled and settled (after being helped across the creek over a small bridge) we knew the bride would not be far away.

The groom picked up his flute and played a sweet call. She responded on her flute, once again with the same notes. I get goosebumps just recalling this. In the silence of the forest the sound of the two flutes calling and responding created a sacred space of a special meeting about to unfold. They played to each other for a while until the forest became silent once again and she walked down the track into the ceremonial space.

Music is a powerful tool at any ceremony whether it is live music or prerecorded. Many times it will stir within us deep emotions and touches us at levels that we cannot begin to fathom. Here's to many more sacred moments using music to guide the way.

Values and Intentions for a Wedding

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 22:14:00 GMT

In my file clean-up I rediscovered another part of a ceremony that I had written some time back:

Since you first met your friendship has grown from strength to strength. You have shared many wonderful moments and created a fabulous history together. In the planning towards your wedding day and the writing your own vows you have become aware of your intentions and values that give meaning to this ceremony and also to the marriage itself. You have considered the direction you wish to travel and the vision that you wish to sustain.

You both deeply value the honesty, trust and respect that you uphold in your friendship; and your intentions are that you wish the very best for each other; that you will be kind and considerate in the ways in which you communicate; that you will be generous in giving thanks and, if conflict comes, that you will strive to fight fairly; that you will respect each other as the very best of friends; that you will share and care for each other through all that comes - the good times and the challenges; and that you both wish to have a beautiful family and grow old together holding hands for many years to come.

Wet Weather Changes to a Ceremony

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:01:00 GMT

What happens when you have planned for the perfect day out on the headland and the weather has other ideas! Well, with Frank and Shay this is exactly what happened.

Once they got over the initial 'will we go to the headland or won't we' dilemma they were fabulous and just accepted what was happening. They were just so happy to get married it didn't matter. As part of the introduction we had written...

Welcome family and friends, my name is Wendy Haynes and as a registered marriage celebrant it is my pleasure to solemnise the marriage of two best friends, Frank and Shay. They have gathered us here in this magnificent place, with the surf and beach below, the gentle sea breeze cooling us, and an amazing view to behold. It is a place they both love and which inspires them – inspires them to enjoy life and live each moment to its fullest.

Instead of missing out on the beautiful piece of the ceremony I invited guests to bring forth images of the headland on a fine day: the magnificent long beaches either side, the breeze blowing across their faces, the sound of the waves (I also invited those who hadn't been up there yet to make sure they checked it out - even if they had to go up there with umbrella's as Hungry Headland is truly beautiful). I called forth this images and the beauty of the place and talked of Frank and Shay's love for this area and how it inspires them. It was one of many magic moments on their special day.

Do I want to marry this couple?

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:07:00 GMT

MEMORIES OF WEDDINGS PAST - I remember being quite alarmed when I met this couple for the first time. When I opened my front door and welcomed them into my home the groom was holding their beautiful new born baby. He looked a little treasure fast asleep. I acknowledged their baby and the groom said, 'yeah, the little ##@!! didn't sleep last night'.

It took me quite aback that anyone would call their child by this language. I was starting to think that I would have to decline the booking as my judgements were making it clear that it wasn't going to be comfortable for me working with them.

However, what happened next was beautiful.

Since we had booked the time together I decided to relax and chill out and listen to their story. Prompted by my questions they proceeded to share what their vision was for their wedding (with some descriptive swear words included) His bride, a gentle but strong young lady, who was well spoken, did not apologise for his language, she just sat beside him and talked as his equal.

After discussing their reasons for getting married, their love for each other, their appreciation and admiration of their very close family and friends I was opened to a world of love, respect, fierce loyalty and protection. They had been high school sweet hearts and then had some time apart. It was during this time about seven years ago when they realised that they were meant for each other.

They had been together over ten years and decided now was the time to get married. After this sharing and seeing this groom's diamond in the rough I agreed to be their celebrant. I came to realise that, while he spoke a different language to me, his heart was open and in love with his beautiful fiance and mother of his child.

When it came time to leave, they thanked me and the groom, said he knew he was different and spoke a bit rough but he was very happy I had agreed to marry them.

I received their 'love letters' a few weeks later which I invite all couples to write (and not all of them take the time or interest to do this exercise). I felt honoured to read theirs - they both feel very blessed to have each other and their beautiful little boy.

I am glad I left my judgement by the side and was privileged to participate in their wedding ceremony. They are still doing really well many years later.

Mother of the Bride Speech

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 22:32:00 GMT

I received an email from a dear friend, Trina, whose precious daughter is getting married. (Amy is now happily married by the time this goes to air). She wrote and asked me for help with her speech for the reception.

Trina wrote, '(Wendy), as you know she is the most gorgeous of blessings and treasures to me I want to speak from the heart about my love and gratefulness for such a gift as a daughter that she is but I don’t want it to be a sobby dribble'.

Sobby Dribble - now there's a new word for the dictionary but it sums up that moment when you cannot help yourself but be overcome with emotion. I have put some tips after Trina's speech for coping with 'sobby dribble' moments!

Reading Trina's words of love and appreciation was heart warming and it didn't take much to create a speech using her ideas. It was all there in her expression of gratitude.

Trina's speech to her daughter.

It is with incredible love, joy and pride that I stand here today to wish my beautiful daughter, a blessed life, full of happiness, joy and much laughter. And if there is any such thing as angels – Amy is one.

Amy is the sunshine to all that know her and truly, as all children are, the most beautiful gift and blessing I have ever been given.

As a little girl Amy was always happy, always finding good, in all creatures and her aura of gentleness was like honey to the bees, attracting everyone to her.

Amy your kindness and generosity, your calmness and strength are inspirational. Your wisdom and maturity are beyond your years. These qualities permeate every aspect of your life. As a mother and as a partner you are a natural mum, giving my beautiful grandchildren a blessed life of love, fun and caring. You really are a mother goddess meant for a tribe of little ones around you and yes I believe a tribe you will have.

Amy you have a beautiful partner in Beau, and I am proud of you both. Beau I value the love, laughter and security that you give to my daughter. Together you both create a wonderful family. I know Amy loves you with all of her heart and that you are her true friend and true love.

You were both so very young when you first met eight years ago. You have weathered some tough storms together and stayed by each others side, and I respect you both for that. We only have to look at Byron and Tia to see how much love, security and ease there is in your family. Your love and respect for each other is reflected in your beautiful children- such exquisite little ones - Byron and Tia – you know how much I love them…to the moon and back!

Amy I know there were times that were not easy for us, I remember the challenges we had in your teens and I know we have talked about this but I want you to know that sometimes as parents we don’t always get it right and that we have many lessons to learn. Children are the greatest gift and we gain so much and learn so much from our children, I am grateful that I have learned a great deal from you my darling daughter. I am delighted with whom you have become and very proud of you, even if at times I did get in your way. All these memories add to the richness of our relationship and the treasured friendship I have with you, which makes me feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have you not only as my daughter but as my very best friend.

And now that you are grown I may not hold your hand each day but I will always hold onto your heart.

Amy and Beau you have Domenic and my support and love for you as a couple, and as a family. May you both be blessed with much happiness, love and laughter and may today’s joy always stay with you. With all our heart we congratulate your commitment you have made to each other today. We love you.

These were the few tips I emailed to Trina for coping with the 'sobby dribble'

Read the speech out aloud a few times. This will familiarise yourself with the content/emotion and also serves to check the grammar. Make the necessary changes to suit your speaking style. Give it time to permeate into your being so when you read it, it becomes a natural part of your expression. (it can also help you to not become too emotional if you have spoken it a few times already) Don't worry if you do cry, stand firm on the ground, smile and know how important this is to be said clearly and publicly. Take your time, breathe well. Smile!

PS 100% guaranteed you will cry at least a little bit so just make sure you have waterproof make up on...

PPS think of me standing strong beside you as you speak (or someone you admire as a public speaker) and know that I will lend you all my strength and calmness - I have often used this technique when delivering a speech. I imagine them standing right next to me! (or you can have someone physically stand beside you if necessary to squeeze your hand and lend you their strength)

PPPS It really is ok if you cry ... then take a big breath... did i mention you have to remember to smile :)

A Renewal of Vows Ceremony

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 22:31:00 GMT

I received an email from a beautiful couple whose wedding I conducted ten years ago. Would I be able to conduct a renewal of vows for them in July? I was so excited that I replied immediately saying, 'Yes, I would love to join them!' I sent them a few questions which I have in my renewal of vows ebook.

I received their love letters by email and as soon as they arrived it took me a few hours to write a simple yet beautiful ceremony for them.

Reading their letters to each other, their memories of their meeting, the journey they have shared, their love for each other, their challenges, I was deeply moved and my love and respect for them intensified.

I was looking forward to seeing them again.

At 4pm the door bell rang and I opened the door. Looking as beautiful as ever, yet ten years on, we embraced.

We chatted for a while sharing stories about children, travel, work and what they were looking forward to.

Moving to my lounge room (we were going to do it up at the lookout however it was raining and cold so I invited them to my place) we stood overlooking the harbour and I invited them to turn and hold hands. Just the opening of the ceremony and the tears were flowing.

Using all their ideas from their love letters to each other, the ceremony was perfect and captured what they wanted to celebrate, their love, friendship, achievements, challenges, family ... honouring their values, strength, beauty...

They read their vows to each other and there were more tears. It was quiet, heartfelt and real. Nothing fancy yet extraordinarily beautiful. They had brought a bottle of champagne and we shared a toast. They signed the certificate which I had prepared which they were delighted with as they hadn't expected to have one.

What a privilege for me to witness both ceremonies ten years apart. Nothing much had changed. Love ever present.

Congratulations Peter and Lyn, much love and joy to you both. Thank you for sharing this beautiful afternoon with me.

Children at Weddings

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 23:52:00 GMT

A celebrant from the south coast emailed me asking if I had any ideas on how to include a couple's two young children in a very simple wedding ceremony on the beach early in the morning. My response to her: I love the simplicity of children at weddings. I have recently been reading lovely stories with young ones at both namings and weddings. My favourite at the moment is Sam McBraggart's, Guess How Much I love you. I simplify the text down a bit as I show the pictures and engage fully the children, however I have noticed, and received feedback how much the adults like it too.

I finish with a closing line 'and your parents love you so much, to the moon and back again'... which they love.

So maybe, the parents would like to choose a very short story, or write one if they are creative. Pictures are a must. Roger and I write personal story books for our grandchildren. He writes the poems, I take the pictures and put it together. They are not professionally printed (although with Harvey Norman specials it wouldn't cost a lot to do). Stories about family, about being loved, about journies and other tales.

At one beach small beach wedding ceremony, the children, father/groom and I arrived early and created a feature of sandcastles with flowers and shells adorning it. We created a special circle for the parents to stand in as they said their vows. It was so beautiful watching the chidren. Yes, they did get sandy but the sand brushed off their nice clothes!

the parents and children could place a flower in a vase symbolic of their beauty when together.

they could do a water blessing like at Shannan and Raj's wedding and everyone could pour water over the couples and the children's hands or a variation on the theme.

Please let me know if you have any other ideas by leaving a comment. Thank you.

When Someone is Missing

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 05:10:00 GMT

It is always difficult if someone has died in the family, and even more so, when it is just days, weeks or even months before a wedding ceremony. Talk with your celebrant about whether you would like to mention the person who has died and also with the rest of the family. It is important so that no-one gets a real shock when they hear the deceased's name.

You may wish to say something very simple like "On this special day we would like to take a moment to think of the family and friends who are not here to celebrate this marriage. We also remember with love those who have gone before. You know they would have been very proud to see you share this commitment of marriage today, and that their love is present here with you."

If it is someone really close like a parent or grandparent, then maybe there is a lovely quote they may have used, or offered some advise, or you can just close the above paragraph by saying how much they would have enjoyed this celebration and that they would want the bride and groom to really enjoy the party!

Alison's father had died just six months before their wedding. I had chatted with Alison about her dad and she shared a few stories about times the three of them had been together. This is what we said at their wedding ceremony:

"There is a note of sadness today. As most of you know, Alison's father, Russell, died six months ago. He was delighted at the news of Michael and Alison's marriage. Michael and Alison would like to take this moment to think of him.

Last Christmas when you were all together, he gave you some valuable advice - he shared the importance of allowing time for each other now, and in the years to come. He said, 'nurture your friendship and express your love and care for each other every day'. Russell's love and wisdom is with us here as we celebrate today."

I have had other couples light candles in remembrance, place special items on the signing table, or wear something special that belonged to the deceased. One bride had a very large framed photograph of her dad in the front row! There are many ways to remember those important people in our lives who cannot be with us in person.

Fiji Hindi Wedding Ceremony

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 01:44:00 GMT

Did you know that just over 38% of the population of Fiji are Hindus? The Hindu marriage ceremony begins months in advance. According the Islands Magazine, Vol 1, 2005, the most important rite on the wedding day is the Agni parinaya. This takes place when the couple walk around the fire seven times. They also take seven steps guided by seven white lines drawn on the ground.

At each step they make the following seven promises to each other:
The first step to nourish one another;
The second step to grow in strength as one;
The third step to preserve our wealth;
The fourth step to share our joys and sorrows;
The fifth step to care for our children;
The sixth step to be together forever; and
The seventh step to remain lifelong friends, the perfect halves to make a perfect whole.
The union is now unbreakable.

Wedding Poems and Verses - Love and Laughter by Wendy Haynes

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 21:05:00 GMT

May this marriage be blessed with love, laughter, peace and happiness
With love that supports and nurtures you and your family
With laughter that fills your home and family life
With a lightness and joy that is contagious
With smiles that welcome and relax
May you find peace in your space together and in your time apart
May true contentment and happiness be yours

Wedding Poems and Verses - Foundations of Friendship by Wendy Haynes

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 07:06:00 GMT

Trust, compatibility and ease with each other
Are the foundations of your friendship
Which is your gift to each other
Take time with one another
Hold each other often
Speak with honesty and care
Listen with respect and trust
Both give and receive your love and friendship with an open heart
May this keep your marriage strong and vibrant
And may you hold hands for many years to come as you walk together
May you keep your love fresh and alive
Keeping the joy in your lives and in your marriage

Great Ideas to Ensure You Have a Relaxed and Enjoyable Wedding Ceremony

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 00:08:00 GMT

You can never have too many great ideas to make your wedding day go smoothly! Having performed over 1,000 ceremonies, I can recommend the following tips to ensure you have a relaxed wedding ceremony.

Make your bookings with wedding specialists early to ensure that you get what you want. Have a checklist of questions and items with things that are important to you.
Prepare and follow a checklist. Arrange your plans so that all preparations are completed a day or two before your wedding date. This gives you plenty of time to relax and spend time with family and friends.
State clearly on your wedding invitations the arrival time and ceremony start time. This encourages people to arrive on time.
Delegate as much as possible. Friends and family usually love to get involved and help out. Be clear with your directions to them and what you want… and then relinquish responsibility! If you have any last minute running around to do (i.e. pick up suits, flowers, decorate tables…), ask someone else to do it! You will enjoy your wedding day if you can arrive at your ceremony feeling relaxed, unflustered and ready to celebrate!
Your wedding day is very special. On your wedding day - rest and relax – allow yourself to be pampered! Enjoy a walk along the beach, go for a surf or swim, have a game of golf or a massage. Enjoy getting your hair done, being with your family. Whatever it takes for you to have fun and relax!
To keep your energy levels up, make sure that you eat breakfast - and lunch if your wedding is in the afternoon. This is especially important for the brides who have hair and make-up appointments at lunchtime. Ask one of your friends to make a beautiful platter and take it along with you. Drink lots of water and avoid drinking any alcohol so that you arrive clear-headed and ready for the wedding ceremony.
Arrive on time! This allows guests to feel comfortable and for everything to unfold as planned. This is important if you want to create a sense of sacredness and respect about the commitment and honouring that you are about to share. Also, your celebrant may have another commitment to attend afterwards.
If you are arriving in the traditional manner, with the bridegroom arriving first:
- For the groom: Allow yourself plenty of time to greet guests (about 15 – 20minutes).
- For the bride: When you arrive in the car, stop and take a few deep and gentle breaths to help you relax and become present in the new surroundings. When you have stepped out of the car, if you can see your wedding guests, it can help to make eye contact with a few friends and family. Then take a relaxed breath again. Before you walk up through the guests, stop again and make eye contact with your beloved. Remember to keep breathing and enjoy! The ceremony can seem to go really fast – so slowing down the arrival can really help you to become present.
If you are walking in together, take five minutes beforehand to be quiet together - give each other a hug until you are relaxed.
Ensure that someone in the bridal party will have a tissue or handkerchief available – even if you think you won’t need it. On very hot days, it is wise for the men in the bridal party to keep their jackets off until the last five minutes.
Choose music that is special for you both. You will have the opportunity to select music for the beginning, the signing of the documents and at the end of the ceremony. Make sure the lyrics are appropriate to your celebration. Delegate the task of managing the music to someone who is confident and relaxed. Ask them to familiarise themselves with the CD player beforehand and also the music. Give clear directions as to when you want the music turned on and faded out – a Post It note on the cover with instructions works well. Try to use the original CD’s or check that ‘burnt’ CD’s work on the player that you will be using on the day.
Consider fun things for the children to do! Bubble blowing provides lots of fun for them! If there are young children coming – especially if they are the bridal couples’ children – nominate a special carer. Make sure that the person looking after them has a supply of drinks and nibblies for them and that the child goes to the toilet beforehand! A special pillow can be made for them to sit on (this is more special to the child if given on the day). If they are very young, decide what will happen if the child gets upset and wants to be held during the ceremony. Will you hold them or will someone take them out who does not mind leaving the ceremony? Discuss this decision with your celebrant.
If you are having an outdoor wedding, have a back up plan ready to go! This minimises the stress if you have to change plans due to wet weather.
In the build-up to the wedding day, remember why you are getting married! Keep the communication open between you both. With regard to the wedding plans; discuss what your expectations and needs are; discuss any difficulties or stresses that are happening and work together to find a resolve. Take time out from the wedding planning to just be together. Relax and enjoy!

May the love between you continue to blossom and be nourished by your wedding celebration. May all of your family and friends be touched by the love you share.

Wedding Poems and Verses - Rig Veda

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:09:00 GMT

United your resolve, united your hearts
may your spirits be at one,
that you may long together dwell
in unity and harmony

Wise Words for Renewal of Vows

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 05:15:00 GMT

At our small and intimate celebration held over two years ago Roger and I invited those guests who were staying with us the night before the ceremony to share an informal meal together. After dinner we formed a circle to discuss the topic of ‘what is marriage/union?’ Everyone had had time to think about the question and, using a talking stick, so only one person at a time spoke, the discussion was rich, honest and at times, funny.

Gayle McCosker, a dear friend and celebrant, presented an acrostic quote that captured the essence of the discussions that night. ‘MARRIAGE: Magical Adventure Requiring Ritual, Intimacy and Grace Every day.

This was a wonderful, heart opening prelude to the ceremony the next day. If you are interested in our ceremony I included it in the eBook, Ceremonies for the Renewal of Vows.

In whatever way the ‘sharing of wisdom’ is expressed, it is an opportunity not to be missed and can be a platform for diverse ideas, new ways of seeing things and fresh inspiration as well as honouring the ‘wise community’ that holds the couple and the family.

Wise Words at Weddings

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 03:00:00 GMT

At one of my very early weddings I was asked to invite guests to speak words of support or give their advice on what it takes to have a ‘great marriage’. I was nervous, having never opened the floor to spontaneous speaking at a wedding before however, I had no need to be concerned.

Guests were forthcoming with great ease. One of the grandparents had nearly everyone in tears with their precious insights and another friend offered a simple prayer. Others called out single words like ‘trust’, ‘laughter’ ‘patience’, and yet another young friend of the couple called out, ‘great sex’ which made everyone laugh.

Given the success of this experience I felt more comfortable at another wedding where the couple wanted me to invite their guests to share highlights and stories about marriage and being in relationship. This was a more open ended question however the parents of both the bride and groom had something pre-prepared and they spoke first. This set the tone and style of the sharing and encouraged a few others to speak beautiful gems of wisdom.

The Presence/Presents of Family and Friends

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 05:18:00 GMT

The presence of family and friends in the life of a couple and a family can be a true blessing. Having a community of close people who uphold and support them through all the changes, without judgement or pressure is a great gift. The demonstration of family and community support is often an important aspect of wedding celebrations.

One of the traditions that is changing for many celebrations is the type of gift that people bring whether it be a birthday, an anniversary, a wedding or a naming ceremony.

The question of gifts is always a big consideration for most couples and families. Do they have a register (naming registers are available now) or just accept what comes? Or, they may wish to ask for no presents, just the guests presence is enough.

Recently, celebrant Gayle McCosker shared the story of a young couple whose wedding reception was being held in the local community hall. For their wedding present the couple invited their guests to bring a favourite plate of food and also to write up the recipe. Knowing that everyone would bring their most delicious dish the couple created, after the wedding celebrations were over, a wonderful cookbook with all the printed recipes. This collection of recipes will become a treasured family heirloom.

Here are some lovely ways to ask for the present you want at your wedding celebration.

Just Your Presence

We are very happy that you can join us for this special day. Having you share our celebration is the best gift you could give. However, if you would like to bring a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. We know it will come from the heart and we will sincerely appreciate it.

Wishing Well, Money Tree or Treasure Chest

Nowadays, the classic ‘wishing well’, ‘money tree’ or ‘treasure chest’ is appearing at wedding ceremonies. The giving of money is popular in many cultures. For some recipients it will help to meet the cost of the wedding or enhance the honeymoon, for others it forms the beginning of their house deposit.

But how to ask? There are many rhymes and ditties that can be used. Here are some ideas:

Money Tree (Anonymous)

They have their dishes and towels for two,
They have pots and pans and oven mitts too.
So what do you get for the bride and groom
whose house is set up in every room?
Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too,
But you can not register for carpet and glue.
A tree that grows wishes is the way to go,
so lets make it easy for all that know.
An envelope will be provided for those who have room,
To give a monetary wish to the bride and groom.
A money tree will be on display at the reception hall
to attach your wishes, for the couple, with love from all.

Honeymoon Contribution (Anonymous)

Now what do you give
The bride and groom
Whose home is happily
Set up in every room?

We have bought pots and plates
Linen and bedding
And the usual gifts
You give at a wedding.

Although this may seem
Like a modern revolution
We’d prefer to receive
A honeymoon contribution.

It will save you the shopping
fancy wrapping and fuss
And on our travels
We will hold your gift dear to us.

For those who prefer
A cash gift in mind,
A treasure chest will be set up,
If you feel that way inclined.
wishing well for a naming day

Family and friends, Clare's grandfather, Timothy has crafted a beautiful wishing well for Clare's naming ceremony. We would love to receive your card and if you wish, your contribution towards Clare's education fund. This will be a great way to support Clare's future. However, please know that there is no obligation to contribute as your presence at Clare's celebration is a great gift to us.

Wishing Well for a Wedding or Commitment Ceremony (Anonymous)

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with love and care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish but shhh don't tell!
Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

Green Wedding

We are having a ‘green wedding’. If you are wanting to give us a present we would like to request a donation towards our house deposit (any colour will truly do!) We will have a model of our dream house at the wedding that will have an open door to receive your gift. This would be greatly appreciated.

Donations to Charity

In light of the blessings that we share on our wedding day
Please consider making your gift a donation to the Cancer Council or charity of your choice. In honor of our marriage and in loving memory of our grandmothers.

Thank you.

or…

Absolutely positively no gifts please.

A Present From the Heart - The Book of Gold

You may also want to create a 'book of gold' - a home made present with a difference for a celebration. Each of my children have received one of these books on their 18th birthday which was a real gem with everyone's beautiful contributions. Click here to read the article, 'honouring a teenager' and for more details on creating the book. Many people have contacted me to say they have replicated this idea and created 'a special book' for their friend or family member of differing ages and were very enthusiastic about their success and how delighted the recipient was upon reading through their own personal 'book of gold'.

Treasure Chests and Time Capsules for Wedding Ceremonies

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 05:20:00 GMT

Meaningful rituals and ceremonies can offer support and a sense of belonging in both the positive and challenging times. I am reminded of the ritual that I have written about in a previous newsletter and in my online blog about the family who created a treasure chest when their mother/grandmother died. Each of the family members collected an item that reminded them of their mother/grandmother to place in the treasure chest. As each item was placed in the chest the person told a story about their chosen item. It was an opportunity to honour all the precious gifts and memories the deceased had brought into their lives. They laughed and cried and connected as a family in what was a very difficult time.

I have been giving the idea of ‘treasure chests’ for ceremonies some further thought and also reading about time capsules in The Dead Good Time Capsule Book, edited by G P Gill (published by Engineers of the Imagination).

The online information website, Wikipedia, defines a time capsule as ‘a historic cache of goods and/or information, usually intended as a method of communication with future people…’, even if the future person turns out to be yourself or one of your family!

Imagine creating a time capsule or treasure chest at a wedding ceremony that the couple could open on their tenth wedding anniversary or for a child’s naming ceremony that they could open on their 18th birthday!

A treasure chest could be filled with a collection of goodies that could be added to over time and viewed periodically whereas I see the time capsule as being collected at the time of the ceremony and sealed securely only to be opened at a specified time later down the track. Whatever you choose you could be flexible on your approach to this creative ceremony gift.

I was talking with some friends about what items could be included in a time capsule or treasure chest. Here are some ideas from our brainstorming session:

wedding ceremony

Wishes, written on small pieces of card, from the guests (that could be read out at the ceremony and then placed in the container)
A love letter to each other (which could be part of the exercise for writing their wedding vows which I discuss in my book, Create your own inspiring wedding ceremony)
A copy of their wedding ceremony and vows
A book about the couple which could include a description of what they are doing in their lives before they are married, a list of what is important to them at this present time, a ‘vision map’ as to where they think they will be – both in terms of their physical setting and also in their relationship. Written insights from the wedding guests as to strengths they witness in the couple. A fun sketch of the neighbourhood where they are living (similar to a child’s drawing locating the couple’s favourite restaurant, café, hairdresser, park where they walk the dog etc).
A photograph of the home the couple are living in
Wedding photographs
Informal photographs from the wedding that the couple have not yet seen
Garter
Dried flower bouquet
Old movie tickets or concerts that were special to the couple
Newspaper clipping about what was happening on the day (weather maps, news stories, wedding notice etc)
Piece of the wedding cake (rich fruit cake preserved with alcohol!)
A DVD or PowerPoint presentation from their ceremony
A tenth wedding anniversary gift (tin and aluminum are the traditional gifts – e.g. pewter or tin jewellery or kitchenware)
A CD of the songs that were recorded in the year of the marriage or songs played at the wedding
A fun novel or a special poem
A shell or stone from the wedding venue
Special commemorative coin or stamp from the year of the ceremony
A favourite recipe
Suggestions for a renewal of vows ceremony!

Think about what would be exciting to find in a capsule or treasure chest in say ten or twenty years time. With the pace of change that we are currently experiencing around us things that may seem ordinary now will be outdated in the not too distant future! Remember that if you are storing a time capsule ensure the contents are not perishable and the container is well sealed. You can buy moisture absorbers/silica gel from art shops which will help to keep the contents dry. Place items in bags (especially newspaper clippings as they have a high acid content). Write any notes or letters in black ink – apparently it doesn’t fade as quickly!

Most of all have fun, enjoy the making of the gift and if it is a true time capsule see if you can keep it closed until the specified date and create a ceremony for the opening!

Respect and Gratitude in a Wedding Ceremony

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:24:00 GMT

We can all appreciate the value of respect and gratitude in our lives. Whether you are a celebrant conducting a celebration or you are planning a ceremony in your life there are profound opportunities for deepening our connection to others and building community by considering these two qualities – respect and gratitude, and the way we can represent them to others.

Webster's Online Dictionary gives the synonyms, ‘to value’ and ‘show courtesy to’, for the word respect and defines gratitude as ‘a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation’. Respect requires our attentiveness to others; it calls for inclusiveness, empathy and compassion. Gratitude requires an open heart. The willingness to express these qualities in our ceremonies … and in our lives is invaluable.

As a professional celebrant respect is a natural part of our service to couples and would be displayed in many ways prior to the ceremony starting – respecting our client’s choices and supporting them to have the ceremony they want, offering a high standard of service and attention, punctuality and excellent presentation – just to mention the obvious ones.

And, for the ceremony itself? There are many ways… and here are just a few …

Setting the scene for the ceremony and checking everything is in order before the start is an act of respect for everyone present. At ceremonies it would be usual practice for the celebrant or other key person to gather guests to be seated or to invite them to stand close to the ceremonial area and request that mobile phones be switched off. In most ceremonies, people look to the celebrant for leadership (even at the most subtle and discreet level) and it is important that we honour this role, guiding and supporting our clients and also the guests to have the most heartfelt and enjoyable experience possible.

Before I start to speak at the ceremony I take a moment to pause, to look and smile at the bride and groom if it is a wedding or at the parents if it is a naming ceremony and then discreetly ask if they are ready to start. It is this quiet moment that offers the courtesy of allowing everyone, especially the key people, to ‘arrive’ at the ceremony. It would be easy to rush in and begin however, I would say it is essential to take a moment, take another breath in and out, look out and connect with everyone present and smile. It is that simple.

Paying respect to a family member or close guest who cannot be present or who has died can involve speaking a few words or be a symbolic gesture such as the lighting of a candle or an acknowledgement of a photograph or representation of the person. Ensure that the key people feel comfortable with what has been decided.

Honouring parents, children or the bridal party can be embraced in many ways. Here are a few:

Often the mother of the bride will arrive with the bride and her father. After I have greeted the bride and ensured she is ready, I would then offer to escort the mother of the bride to her seat before her daughter’s entrance. This is a beautiful non verbal show of respect and courtesy that can be friendly, quiet and non fussy. The family may wish to ask another family member or possibly one of the groomsmen to be the escort.

At one of my earlier weddings I was packing up my things after most of the guests had moved to the reception venue when I found the mother of the bride, who was single, in tears in the car park. She had been collecting the last of the things from the chapel and realised that she had not organised a lift to the next venue. She had arrived with the bride and yet in the busyness that followed had no plans for this transition. Almost everyone had left without realising the dilemma. It highlighted to me the importance of small details such as this. I make a point, when knowing that a parent or grandparent may be at the ceremony on their own, to ask if the couple thinks this person would like an escort, a brother or an uncle for example, to get them a drink, take them to the next venue or ask for the first dance. It has been appreciated many times.

Gratitude towards the parents can be acknowledged verbally or symbolically in the wedding ceremony. When I am crafting the wedding ceremony I ask my couple: What do you love and appreciate about your parents/family? Their response is then used to write a simple paragraph or two. As a show of respect the parents may also be invited to speak a blessing or offer a small reading at this time.

Gifts can be offered, for example: the presentation of flowers to the mothers’ of the couple or to both parents, the giving of the signing pen to a significant family member, a candle lighting or sand ceremony will all show respect and gratitude that will mean a lot to the family or friends involved.

The expression of respect and gratitude in the exchange of wedding vows between a couple is a highlight of the marriage ceremony. Inviting the couple to express what they are thankful for to the other is a display of intimacy that will touch the hearts of everyone present. Their thoughts can be crafted into their vows or a space can be created in the ceremony where they speak their love and appreciation spontaneously… ‘what I love about you is your…’, ‘what I appreciate about you is…’. The latter need to feel confident that they can be present in the moment and not feel under pressure to ‘perform’. I find this is usually better suited to smaller and intimate wedding ceremonies.

As the celebrant, being conscious of the layout of the ceremony and, for example, when moving to undertake the signing of the documents, direct the couple to move to the signing table first and then follow. It may seem obvious to most however it is worth mentioning and is an important part of the choreography of a ceremony and shows great respect to the parties.

I realize that it is essential to allow plenty of time at ceremonies to talk with guests, to be observant and not rush things. This creates space and awareness of some of the finer details which can show themselves. There are many other ways and I would love to hear your ideas on this topic if you would like to email me.

Throughout time displays of respect and gratitude have touched people deeply especially when they least expect it. May respect and gratitude flow in abundance particularly at these very special occasions in people’s lives.

Art in Ceremony

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:23:00 GMT

I have been privileged to witness ceremonies and rituals where ‘art’ has been an important element in the ceremony. There are many available definitions for ‘art’ – I chose the one given by Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, for the context of this article, Art in Ceremony.

‘Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way to affect the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression, including music, literature, film, photography, sculpture, and paintings.’

There is of course, the creation of art by the wedding decorators with the layout and adornment of the venue which can have a significant impact on our senses and emotions, and we all know how important the choice of music is, yet in this article, I wish to focus on the art created by the individuals, families and friends for the ceremony.

Sally and Douglas held their wedding at Gleniffer, NSW. Their wedding was a beautiful example of everyone being involved in the artistic preparation of the venue. Weeks before the wedding day they organized weekend working bees/gatherings which were relaxed and informal yet focused on the creation of lanterns, wall hangings and other decorations for the ceremony.

On the day I remember walking into the venue and being quite taken aback by the beauty and sense of ‘personal ownership’ of the space. The banners were hand painted and the decorations refreshingly alive with colour and a personal touch. This couple had even made their own clothes… Douglas hand sewing his tailored vest!

Now, not everyone has the time, inclination or artistic talent to undertake the extent of the mammoth project that they did (Sally was an event coordinator!) however there are some very simple yet beautiful ways that can enhance the ceremony and give you lasting mementoes that will be treasured.

At Roger and my renewal of vows ceremony we were all gathered at a relaxing resort for the weekend. On the Friday night I had brought lots of white 20x20cm stretched canvases, watercolours, acrylic paints and brushes. I invited our guests to paint a small picture that would adorn the ceremonial area the following day. There was no pressure to do so and I did not expect everyone to participate, yet with the exception of my 14 year old nephew everyone did! I now have these small paintings hanging on a wall in our room and when I see them I am touched by their presence and the memories it stirs. They were all very different, yet beautiful and highly creative – I am always amazed and inspired by people’s creative abilities… often just waiting to be released with a simple request such as this.

I suggested this artistic idea to a family I worked with last year. Their daughter, Cerise, had a terminal illness and I knew she loved to paint. I have taken this excerpt from my funeral book.

‘When friends came to visit during her illness they were invited to paint or do a drawing taking as much or as little time as they wished to. This time spent with Cerise was fun and the paintings surrounded her for many months lighting up her spirits when she would feel down. These miniature paintings were placed around the room at Cerise’s funeral ceremony, which reflected the creativity and colour that had been present in this beautiful young girl’s life.’

Holding to the theme of painting – at a wedding celebration I conducted a few years ago on the Gold Coast the guests were invited to place their hand print on a large canvas. (The couple had delegated a friend to assist guests and there was plenty of clean water and towels to wash their hands). This took place just prior to the start of the ceremony as guests were waiting for the bride to arrive. (Luckily there were no accidents with the paint!)

The completed canvas was placed at the back of the venue during the ceremony and I referred to it as a representation of all the love and support that was present and offered that it would be a reminder that the couple would always have plenty of ‘hands on deck’ if they needed to call upon their family and friends for support.

In a slightly different vein, when John and Ruby sent out their wedding invitations guests were asked to contribute to their wedding ceremony by sending poems, readings, quotes, pictures or photographs that related to marriage and friendship to them before the wedding day. I was given the readings and quotes to include in the ceremony and also, prior to the day, John and Ruby created a wall collage of everyone’s contributions. It looked great and everyone took time to read it and look at the fabulous pictures.

Roger and I had done this for our ceremony, inviting guests to bring a reading or quote to the ceremony which were then read out. The contributions were diverse and rich with meaning. We also placed four large white pieces of paper in the shape of love hearts on one of the walls in the ceremony area and invited guests to write their ideas on love and sacred relationship in the ‘hearts’ over the weekend. After the ceremony in our thank you notes to those that came, we shared all the ideas that had been written, some were witty, others insightful… yet another treasured memory we have from our celebration.

At Sharon’s blessingway ceremony (a ceremony for offering blessings for a mum to be) her women friends attending were invited to paint a design on her beautiful pregnant belly. Sharon was seven and a half months pregnant and enjoyed the attention. We talked about what she would like for the design and then the eight of us took turns using a henna painting kit. It took just over an hour to complete… there was lots of laughter and quiet moments… and the baby seemed to love it as well. Sharon’s belly looked beautiful!

I have always felt that the ceremony is more than just the moment on the big day. It is the planning, the meetings and the contributions of all those helping, involved and invited. There are many opportunities to be simply creative and often the outcome far exceeds expectations. People are innately artistic and creative, despite their pleas otherwise, and I am inspired by what arises when people are given the space (and no pressure) to contribute.

I would love to hear from you if you have any ideas or stories to add to this topic.

From here in beautiful Paris as the sun sets over the city I wish you a fabulous month ahead. And tomorrow, with all this creative thinking and talk of art, I will head to the famous Musée du Louvre for the day!

Until August. Kindest regards,
Wendy

Silence in Wedding Ceremonies

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:18:00 GMT

Miki and Joe's wedding, in early August, was on the long stretch of beach at Mudjimba. I have known Miki since she was a very young girl and I have always enjoyed her company. When I met her fiance I was delighted. Joe is a perfect match for Miki - thoughtful, sincere with a strong heart.

Their wedding was beautiful for many reasons. Miki and Joe were radiating an uplifting sense of calm and joy; the setting was perfect; their families were full of excitement and supportive; the breeze was gentle; the ocean was blue...

I called in their sixty guests to stand in a circle on the sand and welcomed them to the magnificent venue and special occasion. At Miki and Joe's request, I invited guests to refrain from using camera's during the ceremony and invited them to 'hold the silence' while we waited for the bridal party.

Everyone honoured this request and for ten minutes the guests embraced the invitation to really enjoy the beauty and bring their full attention to the moment. The silence was a force that was powerful and evocative. There was no music played as Miki, escorted by her father, and her bridesmaids walked into the ceremonial area. It was truly a magical moment to be a part of.

Everyone was smiling and all that could be heard were the waves rolling in, gently lapping on the sand.

The feedback from guests later was affirming - it was indeed a rich moment to behold. Silence is golden.

Silence in Wedding Ceremonies

Not everyone feels at ease with quiet moments in a group and I have had ceremonies where 'holding the silence' doesn't work as well. Guests will whisper or laugh because they feel nervous or uncomfortable. It can help people to feel more comfortable if you give clear instructions on how long the silence will be for and also suggest prompts to reflect upon or give focus to something in particular (the venue, the couple, connection to others...).

Reading for a Beach Wedding

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:24:00 GMT

Beach weddings at this time of year are such a treat. It's not too hot in the sun and there is a gentle breeze blowing from the north. I was just cleaning up some files and I found these words that I wrote for a ceremony a few years ago.

The grains of sand under your feet represent the countless moments that have brought you to this place in time: your experiences, your friendships, your family, your journeys. They also represent the many days you will share together.

The ocean represents the endless supply of love that is present and while at times things may get wild and woolly like crashing waves, your love, like the ocean, is always present, and calm will come again.

The changing ebb and flow of the tides represents the inevitable changes within the constancy of your love.

The rocks represent the strength of your individual self that you can both rely upon in times of need.

Let the gentle breeze remind you not to take things too seriously and to let your hair down and laugh often.

The sun represents the warmth and passion of your friendship and love. Let it shine on!

(or if its cloudly/rainy... even though today it is cloudy, your love like the sun will always shine)

There are lots of inspiring ideas in my latest e-book on creating personalised and unique blessings and readings. Read more here.

Hope you have a great day today... I am in spring cleaning mode... clearing up 15 years of wedding files on my computer. Yay!

Cheers, Wendy

Tips For Having Your Wedding In A Park, Reserve Or Outdoor Setting

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:25:00 GMT

Sharon and Jonathon met six years ago while travelling around England. It was a chance meeting on a walking track that was miles from anywhere. “I remember the first time I saw Sharon walking towards me, I was struck by her smile and shining eyes”. They started a conversation and met up for dinner that night in a local pub. After spending a week together ambling along country lanes it was time to part and go their separate ways. It wasn’t long however, before they met up again in Europe and from that second meeting Sharon and Jonathon have been inseparable. Many years and stories later they decided to get married in Coffs Harbour.

With their shared love for walking and the forest, they chose to get married in the aptly titled Wedding Bells State Forest, in the hills behind Coffs Harbour. With the aid of a map and ribbons to mark the turnoff, guests arrived twenty minutes before the start of the ceremony and family and friends were guided along the track. A small clearing was selected for the ceremony and everyone gathered around. Friends had carried in a few chairs for the grandparents to be seated. “When Jonathon and I walked into the dappled forest, I could see my family and friends beaming at us. In the clearing, the sun was streaming in, the air was fresh and it was very quiet – this was just perfect for us – a place that we both held very special in our hearts.”

The ceremony celebrated their meeting and the unfolding of their journey together. With a cheer from all the guests, they were pronounced husband and wife and kissed under the canopy of a great rainforest tree. After the ceremony and a short stroll further along the track, Sharon and Jonathon and the guests headed back into town for the reception at one of the local resorts. “The day was perfect. The ceremony was everything we wanted and so much more than what we had imagined.”

Tips For Having Your Wedding In A Park, Reserve Or Outdoor Setting

Provide a clear and detailed map for your guests and celebrant. Place balloons or ribbons as guiding markers on road signs and posts (and remember to take them when you leave). If you are getting married in large park or reserve make sure your guests know which area you will be in for the wedding; and also how long it will take for them to park and walk there.
It can be lots of fun to organise a coach or bus to take your guests to the ceremony venue and back to the reception venue if they are at two different places. Sarah and Stephen had one bus for the bride and all the female guests, and the other with the groom and the men. They had a great time on the way there. Think well about the meeting time for pick up and the logistics of how long it will take to get there and disembark for the ceremony to start on time.
With outdoor weddings always plan a back up venue. On the invitation state the wet weather venue and also a contact number for your guests to call to check in case of uncertain weather. Make sure this number has a message bank so you can leave a recorded message about what is happening. Even if the weather is perfect, leave a message saying that everything is proceedings as planned.
If you are going to have chairs and a signing table and do not have a wedding decorator booked - delegate the task! Make sure you have seating for those that will need it.
Let your guests know if they need special clothing or shoes. For example: if the track will be muddy or if there is a water crossing this is very important! Do they need to bring umbrellas for sun protection?
Bring a bag with bottled water, insect repellent, sun block, tissues and other handy supplies.
If you are getting married in a national park, on council land or in a state forest you may be required to get a permit and pay a fee. There are also certain restrictions on what you may be able to set up. The throwing of petals, confetti, rice, etc may be banned.
For weddings with over 15-30 guests ensure that your celebrant uses a good quality public address system so that all of your guests can hear the ceremony.
Keep it simple and natural! Too many props will mean lots of carrying and organising.

Enjoy your celebration, laugh and smile and have fun!

Wedding Poems and Verses - Our Shared Love by Wendy Haynes

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:25:00 GMT

Our love is rich
With trust, honesty and freedom
Freedom to be, freedom to love
to laugh and cry
to dance and to be still
The joy of being happy with oneself,
expands our joy with each other
Embracing our time together
and enjoying our time we have apart
Our willingness and presence to be alert,
awake and conscious,
gives our relationship strength,
softness and beauty.
Conscious of our own and the others needs and expectations.
Awareness of the grace that underlies our experiences,
our troubles, our challenges
Alert to the preciousness and sensitivity of all human love
Our shared love is a gift
A rich and priceless gift

Wedding Poems and Verses - Growing Together by Wendy Haynes

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:26:00 GMT

Our love gets stronger every day
Grace blesses us in every way
Let us live and laugh together
Let us plan and dream together
Let us grow in health and happiness together
Our hands and hearts are joined In love and in trust we stand
Today I marry my dearest friend and my closest companion.
Thank you for all you have given me.

Wedding Poems and Verses - The Blessing by Wendy Haynes

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:26:00 GMT

May you be blessed with many years of happiness and a shared peacefulness of spirit.
Today you are giving yourself freely and openly to each other.
May your commitment to one another continue to grow in its depth and understanding.
With each new day may you move deeper into your love that joins you as one. May you trust each other, particularly in times of difficulty, knowing that together you can weather any storm.
May your love, trust and respect for each other grow with each passing day. May you call upon the ever present love and peace that resides within in each of you, knowing that there will be moments of perfection and harmony, and times of imperfections and weaknesses.
May your love be capable of forgiveness and encouragement when needed.
Finally, may you be blessed with open hearts and clear vision, and may you feel the love and friendship that surrounds you here today as you celebrate your marriage.
We love you dearly and our love goes with you.

Wedding Poems and Verses - Hindu Wedding Verse

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:26:00 GMT

May you always nourish one another
May you grow in strength as one
May you preserve your wealth
May you share your joys and sorrows
May you care for your children
May you be together forever
May you remain lifelong friends
May you be the perfect halves to make the perfect whole.
May this union be unbreakable

Wedding Poems and Verses - My Heart is Like a Singing Bird by Christina Rossetti

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:27:00 GMT

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a watered shoot:
My heart is like an apple tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickset fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halycon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.
Raise me a dais of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.

Blessings on a Marriage

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:27:00 GMT

The first time I heard this next blessing was when I was the celebrant for a wedding in Maleny. It was held at the stunningly beautiful Solothurn Chapel. The acoustics in the chapel are divine! This blessing is designed to be called by the reader with guests responding. At the wedding I attended, the mother and stepfather read each alternate paragraph. It worked really well.

The couple may wish to have the words on a service sheet that has been handed out prior to the start of the ceremony although, if delivered clearly by the reader, it is not essential.

Blessings on a Marriage

We call upon all that we hold most sacred to: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

We call upon the earth, our planet home, with its beautiful depths and soaring heights, its vitality and abundance of life, and together we ask that it: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

We call upon the land which grows our food, the nurturing soil, the fertile paddocks, the abundant gardens and orchards and we ask that they: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

We call upon the forests. The great trees reaching strongly to the sky with earth in their roots and heaven in their branches, the eucalypt, bunya, silky oak and wattle and we ask that they: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

We call upon the moon and the stars and the sun, who govern the rhythms and seasons of our lives and remind us that we are part of a great and wondrous universe and we ask that they: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

We call upon the family and friends of Susan and John, all those who love and cherish and sustain this couple and ask together that we: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

And lastly we call upon the power and presence of divine love, on that which asks us to become greater than ourselves so that one may become two and two may become one and all together we joyously: Bless the marriage of Susan and John!

I have not been able to source the original author or culture from which this has been adapted. If anyone knows I would be happy to hear from you and rightfully attribute authorship.

Family and Friends in Your Wedding Ceremony

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:28:00 GMT

Inviting family and friends to join in with the ceremony is a great way to enliven the energy amongst the guests. People love to be involved especially when it is uplifting and filled with joy. One of the best ways to make this work is to verbally invite the guests to join in loudly and joyously in the refrain. For example:

Celebrant: They ask you, their closest friends and family, to support them in this commitment to their marriage. To help them work together, to laugh together, to raise a family and create a healthy life together.

They ask you to remember this day and if, in the years to come, this fades from their memories, they ask you to be their reminder.

To tell them that there is love here and that what they have is worth upholding.

Are you willing as their closest family and friends to support and uphold them not only today but in the many years to come? If so, would you please respond with a hearty 'we will'!

Guests: We will!

Wedding Poems and Verses - Love by Kahlil Gibran

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:24:00 GMT

Love one another, but make not a bond of love,
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls,
Fill each other's cup but drink not from the one cup,
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music,
Give your hearts, but not into each others keeping
For only the hands of life can contain your hearts,
And stand together, yet not too near together,
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Wedding Poems and Verses - Corinthians

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:29:00 GMT

Love is patient, love is kind and envies no-one
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude
Never selfish, nor quick to take offence,
Love keeps no score of wrongs,
Does not gloat over other men's sins
But delights in the truth
There is nothing love cannot face
There is no limit to its faith, its hopes and its endurance
Love will never come to an end in a word
There are three things that last forever
Faith, Hope and Love
But the greatest of them all is Love

Handfasting Ceremonies

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:28:00 GMT

I was invited to conduct a handfasting ceremony on a beautiful property at Dorrigo, in northern NSW. The garden, where the ceremony was held, was a maze of pathways that were an invitation to wander through the terraced beds of flowers and shrubs down to a cleared area which overlooked the lush, green hills. In the northern corner stood a big oak tree which had seen many family occasions. It was gnarled and beautiful and was decorated with a big yellow ribbon around its huge trunk.

Many of you would remember the song, Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree, made famous in the seventies - the lyrics date back four centuries! The yellow ribbon around the trunk of an oak tree symbolised the promise of a young girl being true to her man. At this ceremony I attended, the yellow ribbon tied around their oak tree symbolised the couple's loyalty to each other as they had endured many months apart while the groom was working interstate. There are many rituals that have lasted centuries that symbolise a couples love and commitment.

The handfasting ceremony dates back to the time of the ancient Celts. It was used to acknowledge the beginning of a trial period of a year and a day during which time a couple were literally bound together - hand fasted. It was however a temporary agreement which could be made permanent, after the trial period, if both parties agreed.

The couple from Dorrigo pledged their love to each other with ribbons being wrapped around their hands with each promise.

A Lifetime Commitment

Nowadays, the handfasting ceremony is only used symbolically as marriage, according to the law in Australia, is a lifetime commitment. The bride and groom’s hands are joined together, usually holding hands so the wrists and pulses are touching, with a ribbon or symbolic material looped over the bride and groom’s wrists and tied by the celebrant or a friend. Some, like the sample ceremony below, loop the ribbon six times.

Ensure that the ribbon is the right length - I recommend a rehearsal so that everyone is familiar with the ritual before the ceremony day.

The words spoken usually express that the couple are bound by their love and commitment for one another and like the cord, which has two individual ends, they are two individuals. Yet, in essence, they are one.

The bride and groom usually remain joined by the looped ribbon until after the marriage vow - not for a year and a day! The final tie being done loosely so the ribbon can be removed easily while remaining tied.

As the celebrant ensure you are standing so all the guests can see the ceremony. You may also wish to explain the ritual and its history before starting. People love to know what is going on.

You can use just one long cord or ribbon that is looped over the joined hands at each asking or you can use a separate cord or ribbon for each question, and then tie them all as one when the asking is complete. Make sure there is plenty of time to really allow the couple to hear the questions that are being asked of them.

Handfasting Ceremony by Wendy Haynes

There is usually a question to start a handfasting ritual such as:

Jane and Matthew, do you come here voluntarily to enter this marriage ceremony? (Yes, we do)

Jane and Matthew, would you please hold hands.

Jane and Matthew, will you honour and respect one another? (We will)
The first cord is draped over the couples' hands.

Will you support and assist each other in times of pain and sorrow? (We will)
Second cord is draped over the couple's hands.

Will you be present in the difficult and challenging times so that you may grow strong in this union? (We will) Third cord is draped over the couples' hands.

Will you share each others laughter and joy, and look for the brightness and fun in life, and the positive in each other? (We will)
Fourth cord is draped over the couples' hands.

Is it your intention to bring peace and harmony into your every day ways of communicating? (We will)
Fifth cord is draped over the couples' hands.

And when you falter, will you have the courage and commitment to remember these promises and take a step back towards one another with an open heart? (We will)

Sixth cord is draped over the couples' hands.
other possible questions

Are you willing now and always to make this commitment to each other? We are.

Will you stand side by side for the rest of your days together? We will

Will you bring fun, laughter, joy and happiness to your relationship? We will

And as the years pass and your hands become aged and wrinkled, will you reach out and be there for each other? We will

And now as your hands are bound together, I ask you to declare your vows to each other.

At this point the legal vows can be incorporated. There are so many variations on the handfasting ceremony depending on what the couple would like.

Find out if your couple have any ideas first of all and if not, then you can ask them what they would like to promise to each other and what values they would like to uphold. Their answers can then be turned around to create the questions.

You can find another two handfasting ceremonies and further ideas in the article I have just posted at wendyhaynes.com

Wedding Poems and Verses - Apache Wedding Prayer

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:30:00 GMT

May the sun bring you new strength by day
May the moon softly restore you by night
May the rain wash away your fears
and the breeze invigorate your being
May you, all the days of your life,
Walk gently through the world and know its beauty

Wedding Poems and Verses - What You Are

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:30:00 GMT

What you are is Gods gift to you
What you make of yourself is your gift to God
May the beauty of your love show in your faces
For this new life holds promises unimagined by the old
So undertake your passage with trust and innocence
For such is the way of love
Honour your passage into marriage
Honour your commitment to each other
And be devout in your intentions and you will be nourished

Wedding Poems and Verses - Irish Wedding Blessing

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:29:00 GMT

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And rains fall softly upon your fields
And until we meet again
May the good Lord hold you in the Hollow of His hand
May god be with you and bless you
May you see your children’s children
May you be poor in misfortune and rich in blessings
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near
May green be the grass you walk on
May blue be the skies above you
May pure be the joys that surround you
May true be the hearts that love you.

Marriage Candle Ceremonies

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:29:00 GMT

I visited some of the old churches in England which are rich in history and ceremony. Many of these ancient buildings are open to the public during the day and offer a quiet sanctuary in the middle of a city or village. In all of the churches I have been to they have an array of candles, with one always permanently lit (sometimes an artificial light symbolic of a burning candle). In some churches visitors are welcome to light a candle and ask for support or offer a prayer. The sight of a group of small flickering flames representing prayers and blessings always touches me.

I recall one small wedding I conducted with about twenty guests where the large array of candles burning at the end of the ceremony looked magnificent. At an appointed time during the ceremony guests were invited to come forward, light a small tapered candle and offer a blessing to the bride and groom. The lit candle was then placed in one of the two shallow dishes either side of the couple. (The dishes were filled with sand to make placement of the candles easy.)

Many cultures use candles in their ceremonies and rituals and carry rich symbolic meaning.

In ancient Greek marriage processions the mother of the bride would carry a lit torch from the family hearth. Now, in a candle ceremony, it is quite common for the mother of the bride and groom to come forward and light the individual candles representing their family and the life of the bride and groom before the union. Toward the end of the ceremony the couple would then proceed to light the marriage candle using these two individual family candles to symbolize their unity.

However, there are no rules when it comes to a candle ceremony so you can have anyone light the candle/s and consider what the symbology means for you.

After discussing with Tim and Monique what they wanted for the candle ceremony at their wedding it was decided they wanted their mothers’, Marion and Sandy, to light the candles but they were not sure on the wording. I suggested that I contact Marion and Sandy and work with them to create a blessing of their own making. I asked both mums to consider what they loved about their son or daughter, and what they would wish for them on this journey of marriage. What would they like to pass onto them to inspire this journey?   What they wrote was very special and there wasn't a dry eye in the chapel. They have given me permission to share the blessings with you.

Marion: "Monique, this candle is a symbol of the beautiful unique person that you are, shining with your sensitivity, warmth and strength, your wonderful creative talents, the energy and passion in the way you commit yourself to life and your dreams, yet the peace and calmness you possess to be still and soak up the beauty of the moment and the love, thoughtfulness and tenderness you share with those close to you.

You are such an absolute joy as a daughter and it has been and is, a privilege to share your life as you have grown and developed - so many exciting, beautiful and proud moments. We feel so deeply about all five of you and our life together and it is so special that you are all here in the wedding party sharing these special moments together. It is a wonderful, fulfilling and beautiful gift to find that special person that becomes your soul mate, your partner, as you have found in Tim - just as Dad and I found each other.

You have begun your journey together as two unique and special individuals, reaching for your dreams, walking together along life's pathway, giving each other support through challenges and celebrating successes. One of the beautiful things is that as your lives intertwine, you are not like strangling vines competing and dominating each other but that you retain the full essence of yourselves as unique individuals and give each other support and strength. Your special relationship developing and strengthening has been wonderful to see and we wish you both so much joy and happiness as you journey on through life together. There are so many exciting, wonderful things and rich experiences ahead - lit by your love just like this candle.

Sandy: Tim, we are both very happy for you and Monique, as today is the start of a great journey together as husband and wife. Tim, you are very talented with a deep and meaningful passion for music and today you are matched with Monique's similar unique passion for dance. May your music be the backdrop to a wonderful partnership that is recognised today, in the union of your marriage to Monique.  As you build your life together the road can take many unexpected turns and you will come to crossroads, but with the love and strength you both share with each other we are sure that you will remain on course for a long and a happy life together. Let your love and strength burn brightly like this candle."

It is very powerful when people speak from their heart.

A couple could light individual tapers acknowledging their own strengths, qualities and values. Using the individual tapers then would then light the single marriage candle as an acknowledgement that even when they join together their two lives as one it is possible to retain their uniqueness and brightness.

Delia and Nick wanted to involve all their children and asked me to read this simple acknowledgement before the lighting of the candles:

"Delia and Nick feel honoured and are very proud to have their children, Rebecca, Jon, Samantha and Joshua as a part of their wedding. (To the children) They love each of you dearly. Coming together as a blended family has had its ups and downs and they wish to acknowledge and honour the love and acceptance you have given freely over the last six years, it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Their love for you has enhanced their relationship and they are both deeply appreciative of your open and playful hearts. They would like to ask if you would come forward and light a candle to signify your coming together as one family." (The four children each light a candle and give Delia and Nick a hug).

"I would like to now invite Delia and Nick to come forward together to light the fifth remaining candle in recognition of the union of their family."

let your light shine

The couple may wish to offer candles to each other acknowledging their willingness to be bright and active partners in their union.

Parents, grandparents, members of the bridal party, children of the couple or friends can be involved in offering a blessing to the couple while presenting a lit candle and encouraging the recipient to let their love shine. For example:

"Martina and Brent may you continue to have lots of fun together, laughing often, resting in each other arms and enjoying the days you get to spend together. (As the person presents the candle to Martina and Brent). Let your love shine bright so that you can feel its warmth at all times."

At an early evening marriage ceremony every guest was given a lit tapered candle with a protective shield and they held these throughout the ceremony. During the ceremony they were asked to participate in a ‘call and response’ blessing. As the celebrant I offered a blessing and then, in response, the guests declared, ‘May your love shine brightly’. I invited the guests to call out heartily and with enthusiasm and they did! It was fabulous.

To close the ceremony the guests were invited to place their candles in three beautiful large holders that were raised high (there were people near them who could assist the younger … or shorter guests to place their candles). The flickering lights were magical and provided a beautiful setting as guests were served canapés.

Needless to say candle ceremonies must be done with careful supervision during and after the ceremony so that the exposed flames do not cause any fires or burns to people. Also you need to check the insurance policy of the venue to ensure the lighting of candles is allowed.

family traditions

Re-lighting the candle/s at other key moments in their lives can be a potent reminder of the special times and be the start of a family tradition. I have had couples re-light their marriage candle at their children’s naming ceremony to symbolize the strength and love of their marriage illuminating throughout their lives and their wish to keep it burning brightly. Another couple chose to light their marriage candle every evening at the dinner table. They replaced it with another beautiful candle when the time came, lighting the new candle using the flame of the first one.

There are variations on the candle ceremonies in my wedding and naming books.

Outside of the marriage candle ceremony I enjoy lighting a candle when a group of friends are gathered at my home for a meal or, I will bring a lit candle into my presence when I need insight or a focus for reflection. I would often light a candle at OPD sessions I conducted to honour the inspiration and support I have received from celebrants and other business people and the joy of 'shining out' the information to others.

Consider the possible meaning of lighting a candle and light a bright flame today. May your inspiration and love shine out!