Friday, May 01, 2009 Standing on the headland looking over the sandy beach, watching the waves rolling in, I smiled as I saw the men in the bridal party preparing the love heart for the bride and groom to stand in for the wedding ceremony. They carefully selected the rocks, for the right size and shape and placed them in a heart shape, creating a sacred space together.

Just before the bride walked down the aisle the two mum's scattered rose petals inside the circle. I had spoken with them prior to the ceremony and invited them to think of what it is like to be on this journey of marriage, of close partnership, the ups and the downs... I encouraged them to think of a blessing for their son and daughter as they scattered the petals in the love hearts. It was a lovely quiet moment we shared before the ceremony started.

There are many ways we can invite the sacred moments in to the ceremony.

On Sunday, the bride and groom I am marrying, are having a candle ceremony where the two mother's will light the single taper at the beginning of the ceremony and then after the vows have been exchanged the bride and groom will light the marriage candle using the tapers. The mum's have thought about the following prompts I gave them: What do they love about their son/daughter? What do they appreciate about the relationship they witness? What do they see as the strengths in the relationship? And lastly, what they would wish for them? Using these ideas the mum's have crafted a beautiful blessing that each will say as they light the individual tapers. The mums have just emailed me their blessings and it will be a very special moment.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I was reflecting upon Fiona and Al's beautiful wedding again this evening and recalling the moment they exchanged their vows. What a privilege it is to witness two people honestly and openly declaring what is important, what it is they love and appreciate about each other, and for them both to stand in the truth of that expression. I know it wasn't easy for Al as he is a very private person and yet, what a joy it was in its simplicity and freshness. Their family and friends, men and women were crying as they spoke. To see them smiling at each other, looking comfortably into each others eyes as they spoke their truths, was deeply moving. To see the friendship which has overcome some big obstacles of distance and time apart was delightful. It was a real honour to witness their love and the way they looked at each other. As we all know, any close relationship takes time, takes awareness, takes willingness... and all of this they are happy to put in. Thank you, Al and Fi, for sharing with us. Congratulations!

Monday, April 27, 2009
I was speaking with a friend last night about his daughter's wedding as they were doing their own catering for the reception. They had delegated many of the tasks to willing friends and family who met out at the farmhouse where the wedding was to be held to have some bake offs! The bride had ordered eight pavlovas and then designated eight of her friends to be the Pavlova Queens - they were going to have a decorating competition to be held on the wedding day! She made each of them a special Pavlova Queen Apron and the girls came prepared! One of the Pavlova Queens was a hairdresser and she had made curlers out of icing and covered the pav in the curlers. Sounded like everyone had lots of fun!

It's not always easy doing your own catering but when you bring in fun ideas like this one it changes the whole flavour of the task!

Monday, April 27, 2009
Fiona and Al's wedding was held at the D'Entrecasteux Hotel in Howden, Tasmania. What a stunning venue - romantic and elegant - classic European buildings and stylish designs in every room. I stayed at the hotel for the evening and the heated indoor swimming pool overlooking the water was a real treat for me the next morning!

 I have been friends with Fiona for a few years and we met Alan when Roger and I visited Tasmania last year. I was delighted when they asked me to be their celebrant. We had the rehearsal in the hotel gardens on Friday and I met Fiona's family who are all delightful.

On the wedding day they had a classical trio (friends) who played the harp, cello and violin as Fiona walked in with her father. We had gathered inside as it had begun to rain lightly. Alan and Fiona had created a heartfelt and personal ceremony that included Al's Lebanese family's two Greek Orthodox priests offering a traditional blessing in Arabic. Highlights were many: Seeing Al and Fiona's faces as they looked out to see 150 family and friends beaming smiles, Al's mother chanting a Lebanese blessing as they kissed and all the women in their family joining in the response, Fiona's brother shared a reading and asked everyone to think of a moment of fun and happiness they had shared with Al and Fi. He then invited the guests to send Al and Fi that same joy to them now... the change in the room was electrifying as people reflected on that moment. Their exchange of vows and the love radiating between them was a joy to behold. Other highlights were their friends, during the speeches, declaring their love and respect for Fiona and Alan, the chocolate wedding cake (yummy!), Al's Lebanese family leading some awesome dancing - men and women belly dancing is an inspiring sight to behold... the moments were endless and truly memorable... a great wedding celebration for all the best reasons. Congratulations Al and Fi!

Monday, April 20, 2009

On Saturday 18th April I had simple yet beautiful naming ceremony down at Boambee Bay Reserve in Coffs Harbour in the morning. This was the couple's second child I had conducted a naming ceremony for so it felt special to return and join in the festivities to welcome their daughter. In the afternoon I joined David Moore Photography in celebrating another couple's wedding at the beautiful Aanuka Chapel in Coffs Harbour.

5.30pm and I was on a flight to Sydney followed by a flight to Brisbane! I stayed in Brissie overnight.

Sunday 19th April - I watched the glorious sunrise poke its head through the low lying cloud on the horizon as I headed up into the hinterland to Maleny. It was a fresh blue sunny Sunday in Maleny after weeks of torrential rain. I met the bride at the hairdresser at 7am as she was just getting the final touches to her hair. The wedding was at 10.20am.

This couple were particularly special as I had married the bride's father and her step mum nearly nine years ago so I was honoured that they asked me to be their celebrant as well. We had worked via email and over the phone to create a beautiful ceremony with all the personal touches and stories. We had talked through the rehearsal and all the points of movement of the ceremony over the phone with the bride and groom and also the father of the bride, and then they had gone out to the venue to walk through the processional. I rehearsed the vows in the morning with the bride and groom separately and also had them sign the required statutory declaration forms and sighted their legal documents. All was in order and the excitement was building. They were both quietly confident and very happy.

The highlights were many: The beautiful Solothurn Chapel,  in Maleny, seeing the grooms face as the bride walked down the aisle beaming her beautiful smile. The brides father reading a prayer written by Robert Louis Stevenson.

Lord, behold our family here assembled
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Amen.

This was followed by the beautiful hymn, Morning Has Broken, which was made popular by Cat Stevens. It sounded rich and full of heart in the chapel - people smiling as they sang. They had written their own vows and the bride was able to memorise hers which in no way took away from the grooms, who had to repeat them after me.  The love, sincerity and honesty was palpable in the stillness as they spoke.

There was another blessing after they were pronounced husband and wife that I will share in my newsletter next month. So if you haven't subscribed please do at my website.

Their reception was held at The Key Restaurant, Maleny which was a cocktail lunch that was very elegant and tasty. Many blessings of love and laughter to Ken and Rhia. I headed back to Brisbane and watched the sunset over the stunning Glasshouse Mountains.

Monday, April 13, 2009
We have just had Easter with all of my family at Mt Hyland Wilderness Retreat. It is a beautiful venue and miles from anywhere so the quietness is almost deafening. My mum and dad, four sisters, children, all of my sisters and childrens' husbands and partners and their children came. 21 in total on the Saturday for the ceremony. We always have a lot of fun when we get together and this was no exception. Four days together. We played games - outside ball games, indoor theatre sports, board games and painting.

I had bought everyone a small canvas each and if they wanted to, they could do a painting ... I was amazed that everyone did one and they were stunning. We had yoga every morning at 7am and most of them braved the crisp morning to come down to the yoga studio. It was fabulous having both my parents who are 70+ come down and join in.

Similar to our last celebration we had the men's and women's circle prior to the ceremony itself and it was heart opening. When we came back together we shared a 'court dance' that we had learned earlier that morning. The classical Pachabel's Canon led the way and each women had a male dance partner and it was simple greeting, followed by a few traditional turns and steps and then onto the next partner. I had been hesitant to include this as I thought my sisters more conservative husband/partner may not feel very comfortable and I did not wish to alienate them ... it was already a bit far from your usual wedding ceremony. However, everyone really enjoyed it and when we sat down and moved to the next stage of the ceremony everyone was really ready for what was to come.

My dad shared first what he appreciated about my mum and us four girls. He was emotional and could hardly speak. This set the tone for the rest of the sharing. I was deeply touched by my son's appreciation of his family. Roger spoke eloquently on his love for my family. It was very different from the one we had in February yet just as rich and memorable. Here's to the public expression of love, respect and appreciation.

PS. We had a great Easter Egg hunt on the Sunday, and yes, Chahaya and Charlie are the champions!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009 Ruth Ostrow wrote an interesting article in 'The Weekend Australian Magazine (March 14/15 2009) which was about garbage. One day her wheelie bin was left full and this stirred an honest glimpse into 'garbage'... in particular, emotional garbage in relationships. We have our household rubbish and we have the blessed council wheelie bins... we put out our garbage on a regular basis and it gets taken away. Simple.

Yet the garbage in peoples personal lives may seem easier to push away, or hide and pretend it doesn't exist, or maybe there is someone buried so deeply underneath the rubbish that they are lost in it.

She quotes relationships therapist Jo-Anne Baker as saying, 'the most important way to clean up one's emotional environment is to be truthful. Identify feelings and express them openly and regularly to each other and use a counsellor or mediator if needed'.

Nearly all of my couples talk about honesty and open communication as one of the essential foundations to a healthy and vital marriage.

Ruth goes on to say, 'We need regular cleansing rituals to declutter our relationship and to clear our minds of negative self-talk and disempowering thoughts, so that fresh ideas flow'.

And so much more energy for living life to the full!

Sunday, March 15, 2009
Wendy and Roger's Magical Celebration

In our after dinner discussion about marriage many beautiful and funny insights were revealed...

As one friend, Andrew, wrote: What is this thing called Love? What's THIS thing called love? What? Is this thing called Love? What IS this thing called Love? It's a bloody mystery mate!

And another dear friend and fellow celebrant, Gayle McCosker, wrote an acronym for M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. -
Magical Adventure Requiring Ritual, Intimacy and Grace Everyday!

For me, marriage is an intimate meeting of two people, of two hearts. It is the willingness and openness to be present when it is easy and while 'sitting in the fire' of challenging times. It takes courage, strength and commitment to be true, to be honest, to act at all times with integrity and with both parties 'peace and happiness' in mind. With this in mind, a M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. can allow for the expression of love in its pure essence.

What does Marriage mean to you?

Saturday, March 14, 2009
My beloved Roger and I have had an amazing eleven and a half years together and we felt it was time to celebrate our union. It was a very small gathering of close friends to give thanks for the abundant blessings in our life together. We booked two seaside cottages at Diggers Camp - a small village two hours north of Coffs Harbour with dirt roads, no mains electricity, no phone or tv reception. It was a delightfully hot summers weekend. Great for being by the beach!

During the weekend we had lots of time for talking, laughing, swimming, eating sumptuous food and sharing. We had contacted everyone prior to the event with an outline of what the weekend would include as this was not to be your usual 'wedding' celebration.

After a beautiful meal on Friday evening we discussed 'what is marriage/union?'.  This was a great discussion with many inspiring insights beyond the legal definition of 'the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others voluntarily entered into for life'. My next blog will share those precious thoughts!

Deb shared, 'Marriage - an opportunity to discover one's Self as you awake to the face that greets you. Love always present, always there.'

On Saturday we took some time with the men and women apart discussing what qualities, as men and women, we bring into our relationship. This was revealing and once again, inspiring. Then my beautiful  'bridesmaids' truly pampered me in preparation for the afternoon's ceremony. The ceremony was a a very simply sharing of all that we loved and appreciated about each other and honouring our journey, the ups and the downs. It was truly magical. We shared, yet again some more delicious food together and followed this with a shared concert since we have lots of talent in our small group. There was theatre and song... and there was laughter.

Sunday was for walking along the beach, sharing a yummy lunch and music. Dave and Libby wrote and played a beautiful song for us.

We were overwhelmed with the depth of feeling it invoked in all of us. To come together and celebrate sacred union - in all its guises, colours and feelings.
We clearly realised that Sacred Union is a community affair - and value the support and love that our family and friends uphold us with. Relationship is always changing and moving in and out of rhythm and form. We wanted to celebrate our difficult and easy times, and appreciate the enormous Grace we have both felt holds us in its arms. We have probably spent as much time 'sitting in the fire' that relationship, expectation and hidden dreams fuels, as basking in the sheer joy of sharing a life together.

We are now planning another celebration for my family over Easter... I will keep you posted.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

People cry at weddings. This happens just about every time. Parents, friends and family, the bridal party, the bride and groom. When it comes to the bride and groom most are very relaxed if they shed a few tears. But what if you are the bride who can't get more than two words out without feeling stressed by the crying?

Who knows what triggers this response however for one bride it took a few extra rehearsals for her to feel comfortable. I also suggested the bride say her vow first (repeating the vow after me) which really helped.

On the day of the wedding, I met with her before she walked in to the ceremony and we rehearsed her vow one more time... and yes, she cried. Not just a few tears but almost uncontrollable... she did it one more time and she was a bit more relaxed and started to laugh... then she was right to walk down the aisle. When it came to the moment she was fabulous....just a few tears but she was able to enjoy it so much more.

How do you manage the uncontrollable tears at moments like these?