Wednesday, December 23, 2009 Happy Christmas to you in Australia!!

As you are waking to Christmas morning Roger and I are having a beautiful Christmas Eve here in the Okanagan Valley in Canada. It was a mild -15 degrees last night which we are getting quite accustomed to.

(We posed for our Christmas photo this year in out classic Aussie attire - our swimmers - in the snow! It didn't surprise our families however we nearly froze our toes off in the attempt and had a good laugh doing it!)

Today the sky is a soft blue with wispy white clouds drifting over the snow capped hills. The snow covers the driveway which is lined with the outlines of naked trees and a mass of fresh paw prints from our friends' two big dogs. The picture below is the view from our bedroom window... how gorgeous is that!


Ginny and Willy have a beautiful family home here in the Armstrong valley and all of their grown children are coming home for Christmas. They are a beautiful family with big hearts and there is never a dull moment. Their youngest son, Darcy, came home last night with his friends and a range of wigs which they go out partying with. I look pretty funny with short black hair.

These are some of the fun moments with young people around - the noise and laughter level certainly get raised!

Having a white Christmas is certainly a joy, and very different to the Christmas day celebration Roger and I shared with our family on Sunday November 29th in Coffs Harbour when it was 39 degrees in the shade. We had lots of fun (see the article on Christmas and New Year rituals) and gorgeous food with beautiful salads and cold meats

In light of the temperature differences, the menu here in Canada reflects the need for warm food! Yesterday Ginny and I made a beautiful Caribbean Fruit Cake yesterday which smells heavenly...mmmm...

The decorations in nature are stunning... like these little caps of snow on the last of the seasons apples...


Wishing you a warm and heartfelt Christmas Day and lots of love at this special time of family get togethers.

Cheers, Wendy

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 There is so much I have to be grateful for in life. The opportunity to travel and walk in New Zealand is just one of the many gifts that are present.

Sunset over Lake Tekapo looking towards the Alps



The cairn on Rocky Mountain near Lake Wanaka looking down towards the Rob Roy Glacier.



The beautiful walkway from Glenorchy to the lagoon. A hidden surprise blooming with lots of pastel coloured lupins.



This smiley lichen caught my fancy on the Routeburn Walk.



May we give thanks for the abundance of natural beauty that surrounds us.

Cheers, Wendy

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Saturday, December 19, 2009 South Island, New Zealand - a magnificent wonderland. Pristine rivers snowcapped mountains, lush valleys; an adventure playground for walkers like us.  We had booked into the Routeburn walk which  is promoted as one of the top ten walks in the world and it is very easy to see why. The views  an all three days are truly breathtaking.

Thursday 3.12.09

Rog and I set off with our packbacks filled with sleeping bag, change of clothes, wet weather gear, food and water... with a smile on our faces. The weather cleared for the whole three days we were out. Gorgeous blue sunny skies! We felt so blessed.

As we start our walk we take a moment to dedicate it to our children. We invite a mindfulness into our steps and with each step a prayer for inner peace and joy for our beloved family. Throughout the walk I conjure up the image of them and send them thoughts of love and peace.

Whether you take a long walk or just a quick walk with the dogs around the block - dedicate your walk to someone who may need a prayer or some loving thoughts - and hold them as you walk.

This photograph is looking back over the Routeburn Valley before getting to Harris Saddle. It was a huge climb - and brings to mind the song made famous in the Sound of Music - Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow till you find your dream.'

This time to walk and just 'be' is a precious dream come true.

Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday 1.12.09

The arrival into New Zealand feels surreal… I have been so busy for the last few years and especially last two months as I finalized the celebrant distance education programs for the registration year, conducted over 30 weddings, namings and funeral ceremonies, handed in the final manuscript of the funeral book  all while packing up my home and sorting out all of my affairs to go away for the year. 

And yet, here I am sitting at the beautiful Lake Takepo, South Island New Zealand. The sun setting pink over the mountains, the crisp air filling our lungs as we take a walk around the white shores of the aquamarine still waters of the lake Roger and I love.


It is our second ritual that we love when we come to NZ...walking around this beautiful lake… after picking up our little campervan and settling in. The campervan becomes our transport, kitchen, bed, home and sanctuary. It is a special space.

DIVORCE CEREMONY

In the last week I had some great times with families celebrating naming and wedding ceremonies and on the Thursday before I left I was asked to be a witness for a divorce ceremony for a couple who had been separated for a few years now.  They came to me with a clear idea of what they had wanted and asked if there was anything I could suggest. I put forward that it would set the tone for the ceremony by arriving and rather than begin with any chatter, just come in, come into the ceremony area and light a candle each.

I had set up the area with three chairs facing each other and a table in the centre with three unlit candles and one candle already lit (one my mum brought me when we were in Taize, France – the centre for love, peace and reconciliation).

They bought a beautiful bunch of flowers that the lady had brought from their previous marriage home garden and the gentleman brought some frangipanis.

They arrived separately but on time and we said hello then moved into the ceremonial area.  I invited them to be comfortable and take a moment to sit quietly and become aware of their bodies seated, their inner sensations and their breathing. Inviting them to both become really present of the moment of being here. After a few minutes I then spoke asking them to gently open their eyes and acknowledged the light from the Taize candle and what be  represented – peace, love and reconciliation.

We each lit a candle with a prayer/request for these qualities to be present.

They had brought a reading which stated they honoured the journey and all the aspects that they brought into the relationship, the responsibilitythey took for the breakdown of the relationship and that they wished each other well on their new journey.

Once this was spoken aloud to each other in turn they then signed the paper it was written on. I signed as their witness to this declaration. It was a solemn affair and there were a few tears shed. A simple hug at the end and they went their way. It was simple yet very powerful.
I have conducted other divorce celebrations over the years and they can take any shape. Usually the two people will have an idea of what they want but if not it can be useful to ask a few key questions:

What do you want to achieve?

Are you ready for this ceremony to take place?

Do you have any unfinished business you need to address (to discuss either with each other and/or counselor) (While this may be a ‘yes’ a ceremony can still be very effective in assisting the process of separation and could happen even if this is the case. It is important however to acknowledge what is happening to oneself).

What do you imagine happening and how will this ceremony achieve this?

If you have conducted any divorce ceremonies or have any ideas to contribute I look forward to hearing from you.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 We sat in the airport lounge facing each other - my beautiful three children, radiating love, innocence, wisdom, strength, vulnerability, playfulness and joy - grown up and independent yet for ever always I will be their mum.


I am in awe of their beauty and deeply grateful for their presence in my life. Now here they are … the roles reversed from the many times before when we have farewelled them at the airport …saying goodbye to us.

For each of their travels I had embroidered them a badge that they have sewn into their backpacks and my eldest daughter presented us with one each that she had made.  I cried and I laughed.

How did we decide to leave on this journey? What is it all about? Neither Roger nor myself can really remember how it came about. An idea? A conversation that has led us to take a journey for a year visiting family and friends for a year. All of the usual routines gone except of course those that we take with us – our daily yoga practice and looking after ourselves. We have dedicated this year to our spiritual practice which hold with great reverence and joy.

FAREWELL CEREMONY

Before we left Coffs Harbour we held a beautiful gathering of friends – 28 lovely beings including my three children and Roger’s son who was visiting from England. We shared a sumptuous potluck meal brought by everyone and afterwards gathered in the now empty yoga studio downstairs.

We sat in a large circle, some on chairs and the rest sitting on cushions on the floor. One of our friends played the didgeroo, a rich and deep vibrant sound reverberating throughout the room. Some people closed their eyes, everyone quietly listening.  The silence in the room when the music stops is palpable and Roger thanked everyone for coming and for being a great community of friends in all aspects of our lives. He spoke about how we are all on a journey- wherever we are in our lives  - and offered an invitation for us to think about the strengths or qualities we have on this journey, that we embody and hold… and then to contemplate on what quality we may like more of in our journey.  Roger asked that we think of a word for each that we would share in the circle after I have spoken. We sat quietly for a moment to reflect upon this idea.

After the time for reflection I then spoke of our preparation  for this journey – the letting go of all that was familiar and entering into an unknown territory, the surrender, the fear, the uncertainty, the lack of trust, the ease, the comfort….

So much going on … a journey to get to the journey.

I read the poem Ithaka by CP Cavafy and then shared that my greatest quality is the willingness to say yes, and the one I would like to see more in my life is trust. The sharing in the circle was powerful and everyone was deeply moved. There were people aged from 18 to 78 all sharing from their hearts – their strengths and what they wished to see more of in their lives.

One of our friends then invited people to speak what they loved about us – Roger and Wendy – and what they wished for us on our journey. It was heartwarming and affirming. We then closed the ceremony with a song. We had the words printed on a songsheet that we could had out and Dave played the lead on the guitar. We have such a beautiful community of friends – which extends beyond just those that were invited to this evening.  We feel very blessed to be stepping out with such love and support under our wings.

Then upstairs for the sweets from heaven! Roasted peaches and cream!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009
MEMORIES FROM WEDDINGS PAST

You have all probably heard about Coffs Harbour and major flooding events on the news.

It does make it rather tricky being a celebrant in wild conditions...I drove for an hour and a half in light rain up a winding mountain road to misty Dorrigo.  I  arrived early and called in to the bride's nan's house where the bride was getting ready. I had been neighbours with the bride and her family many many years ago.

It was 45 minutes before the start of the wedding.The bride was nowhere near ready and her dress wasn't even ironed!  The bride asked me would I mind ironing her dress and I thought it was a wise idea as who knows how long it would be before I see her otherwise. (I also happen to be a pretty whiz bang ironer and not shy about ironing wedding dresses)

She ended up only being half an hour late.  However by this stage it was raining solidly and the groom was pacing and hot in his 'Drizabone' outfit. It was a classic country bush wedding with hay bales and country music. They had a real ball once we got started! They had asked me if I would declare: 'Is there anyone here today who knows of any legal reason why these two cannot be married?'. I agreed knowing that there weren't any legal impediments to the marriage. When I asked the question all of the groom's men, pulled out shotguns... that might have been a legal impediment to the marriage going ahead if anyone had said yes!

After that lighthearted moment which made every one laugh...it was a beautiful ceremony and included a naming ceremony for their three boys.  There were umpteen certificates to sign with the naming ones and there were kids everywhere.

It poured with rain as I drove back down the winding mountain road in the dark to my next ceremony. This couple were surprising their guests by getting married at their combined birthday celebration.

Sunday, December 06, 2009 MEMORIES OF WEDDINGS PAST

I remember being quite alarmed when I met this couple for the first time. When I opened my front door and welcomed them into my home the groom was holding their beautiful new born baby. He looked a little treasure fast asleep. I acknowledged their baby and the groom said, 'yeah, the little ##@!! didn't sleep last night'.

It took me quite aback that anyone would call their child by this language. I was starting to think that I would have to decline the booking as my judgements were making it clear that it wasn't going to be comfortable for me working with them.

However, what happened next was beautiful.

Since we had booked the time together I decided to relax and chill out and listen to their story. Prompted by my questions they proceeded to share what their vision was for their wedding (with some descriptive swear words included) His bride, a gentle but strong young lady, who was well spoken, did not apologise for his language, she just sat beside him and talked as his equal.

After discussing their reasons for getting married, their love for each other, their appreciation and admiration of their very close family and friends I was opened to a world of love, respect, fierce loyalty and protection. They had been high school sweet hearts and then had some time apart. It was during this time about seven years ago when they realised that they were meant for each other.

They had been together over ten years and decided now was the time to get married. After this sharing and seeing this groom's diamond in the rough I agreed to be their celebrant. I came to realise that, while he spoke a different language to me, his heart was open and in love with his beautiful fiance and mother of his child.

When it came time to leave, they thanked me and the groom, said he knew he was different and spoke a bit rough but he was very happy I had agreed to marry them.

I received their 'love letters' a few weeks later which I invite all couples to write (and not all of them take the time or interest to do this exercise). I felt honoured to read theirs - they both feel very blessed to have each other and their beautiful little boy.

I am glad I left my judgement by the side and was privileged to participate in their wedding ceremony. They are still doing really well many years later.

Thursday, December 03, 2009
MEMORIES FROM WEDDINGS PAST

Samantha and Michael had wanted ‘Bella’ their poodle to be the ring bearer. A line was set up to run from the back of the ceremonial area to the front. When it was time for the rings to be exchanged, Bella was placed on the run with the rings attached to her collar. When Samantha and Michael called her she bounded to the front where she delivered the rings. Getting her back wasn’t so easy but it was nice to include her in such a significant moment of the ceremony. It made everyone laugh as all the guests knew that Bella was Samantha and Michael’s ‘little girl’.